The Year Nothing Was Settled Yet

Our move to Virginia was not a simple, one-step process. It was almost a full year of limbo, of in-between. My husband had moved to start his new job in August and we listed our home for sale in September. I was prepared to move when the house sold . . . but it didn't. It was months of keeping the house "ready" for a showing. It was months of going to my job that I knew would end. It was months of my son going to school and activities, not knowing when it would be his last swim meet or last soccer match.

So, we spent the entire school year not knowing. Not knowing where or when we would move. Not knowing where I would work. Not knowing the timeline of anything!

It was confusing and chaotic and frustrating. While at the same time, we cherished that extended time with our community and friends we loved so much. It was both a struggle and a gift.

In March we finally got an offer on our home. We decided our son would finish the school year in Pennsylvania, rather than try and start him somewhere else for the end of the year. But now we were essentially homeless. The contents of our home were packed up and in storage. A friend opened her home to us, and we lived out of laundry baskets in their guest room for six weeks.

At the time I had no language for what I was experiencing. I was stressed and anxious. I wanted it all to go smoothly. I wanted to be able to imagine my new life in a nice, neat package. But it doesn't work that way.

I have learned that our ability to manage anxiety is all in how comfortable we can be with uncertainty. And really, when can we ever be absolutely certain about anything. I know this now.

We were living in the space between. The messy middle, or what I Iike to call the sloppy copy. That space where it's just unknown. I didn't know what the future would look like. I didn't know what I wanted or what would work. Transition doesn't happen smoothly. It's not as simple as one thing ending and another beginning. There is a messy space in between.

While it feels chaotic, confusing, and unproductive, this space is full of adjustment. Your mind and body are getting used to what's coming next. Even if you're unaware of it, you are mentally trying stuff on for size. You are dreaming. You're grieving what was while living in a mixture of excitement and terror of what's to come.

It's all normal.

I ask that you embrace it as part of the process. Trying to hold so tightly to what was while at the same time demanding a color-coded, step-by-step plan for moving forward is a recipe for stress and confusion. Acknowledge the messy for what it is. . . your mind and body adjusting to the change.

Then you can plan and strategize and put words to your thoughts and dreams.

When? There isn't really a clear timeline. You'll know when you know.

So if you're living out of your own laundry baskets right now—literal or otherwise—let this be permission. You don't need the whole plan today. You just need to let this draft be sloppy for a while longer.

If this resonates with you and you're looking for more, my free guide 'Your Life, In Draft' will help you navigate it the messy middle—get it here.