Old Habits Die Screaming

I love Taylor Swift. So yes, I suppose I could be considered a Swiftie. One reason I love her is for her turn of phrase. Poetry. Recently, while listening in my car, I heard a simple phrase that struck me: "old habits die screaming," from the song "The Black Dog."

Now, I have studied habits and human behavior for more than twenty years, but the "screaming" part is new - and oh so true!

I have never been one to jump out of bed in the morning. If given a choice, I would have always chosen sleep over anything resembling productivity. So, for many years, I hit my snooze button on the alarm clock repeatedly, staying in bed until the last possible moment, then jumping up, quickly taking a shower, getting ready for work, getting my son ready for his day, and running out the door, barely making it to work on time.

Several years ago, I decided that I wanted to take control of my mornings. I didn't like the rushed, chaotic, often yelling "let's go" as we hurried about.

Fast forward to now, I wake most mornings around 6am. I am not too strict with myself. Some mornings it's 5:45, others it's 6:30. The beauty of this time is that I don't need to ever (very rarely) leave my house until 8 (7:45 at the earliest). So this gives me silent, uninterrupted time to myself. I even get in some mild exercise, thanks to my dog wanting a walk to complete his morning business. I begin some days with Pilates. Most days include journaling, meditation, and reading.

Now, what I didn't tell you in the previous paragraph was how HARD it was. It was years in the making, and I still can easily slip back into sleeping in. My body and mind (and spirit) resisted it every step of the way.

At the time I was struggling, I quickly labeled myself as lazy. I declared, "I'm not a morning person!" Loudly! I blamed a lack of willpower. I blamed my family for sabotaging me. I blamed my bed for being too comfortable.

You get the picture. I was screaming.

What I have only recently come to understand about habit formation is that our brains favor the familiar, and the unfamiliar can register as a threat. Anything outside of our regularly scheduled routine can quickly get labeled as "danger." We crave equilibrium and safety. Way back when (and I mean, way, way back), our prehistoric ancestors were faced with actual, real, life-threatening saber-tooth tiger-type danger. So now, our evolved selves don't recognize the difference between us attempting self-improvement and a big, scary wild animal trying to eat us.

It's all DANGER!

Until it isn't.

And that's the point of our comfort zone. It doesn't start as comfortable. It starts as danger. It starts as us screaming that it's new and scary and impossible.

So how do we get past the screaming part?

Start small. Really small.

I didn't dive into a full, multi-step 6am morning routine immediately. It honestly started with putting on my glasses, grabbing my Kindle and reading in bed with the lights still off. I did this for weeks before I added journaling. Then I could get out of bed and make coffee. Starting small allows your body to get used to the change in baby steps.

Aim for Dailyish. Not Daily.

All-or-nothing thinking feeds the scream. I regularly skipped days as I was gradually building my morning routine. I still have days when 8am feels better, and I don't beat myself up about it. I don't aim for perfection. I just get back to 6am (or 5:45 or 6:30) the next day. That's it. Not a verdict. Flexibility is key to quieting that scream.

Talk Back to the Scream.

Early on, a missed morning became evidence, and I'd tell myself, "See? Lazy. Not a morning person." Harsh self-talk is one more signal of danger, while kinder self-talk tells your body it's safe to keep going. Now when I have a later morning, I tell myself, "I needed the rest today." I allow myself to be a work in progress by saying, "I am becoming a morning person." These simple reframes work like affirmations, but with one key difference: they're true. You don't have to convince yourself you're already there, only that you're on your way.

Make the reward something you ACTUALLY want.

Not something you should want. For me, it was waffles. I had them every single morning for years. Oh, and coffee, of course. Waffles got me out of bed every day. Now I branch out and have eggs, or I make French toast. But at least once a month I make a batch of waffles and have them over the next few days. The waffles worked because they made my early mornings feel like a treat instead of a threat.

I have come to cherish my mornings as sacred. I don't check emails. I don't do the typical "productive" things. Sometimes I write, but only if I'm called to it. Not because I have to. The rest of my day is filled with work tasks such as writing, creating, posting on social media, networking, client meetings (I LOVE what I do!). And I get to do those things because I devoted those quiet mornings to myself.

If you're in the screaming stage right now, with something in your life that needs to change and every part of you pushing back, I see you. That resistance doesn't mean you're lazy or broken or doing it wrong. It means you're in the middle of a rewrite.

And you don't have to edit this draft alone.

Guided Revision is my membership platform, a place to take small steps, aim for dailyish, and have support through the loud middle, where most of us give up. Think of it as your editing partner for the next draft of your life.

[Join here →]

Old habits die screaming. Let's quiet them together.