The Myth of Going Back to Normal

I can vividly remember following my cancer surgery, laying in the intensive care unit at the hospital, all alone at night, just thinking that I wanted my life back. I wanted things to go "back to normal." I couldn't wait until I wasn't a cancer patient anymore.

Going back even further, I remember when I had my son, wondering when things would feel "normal" again. Ha! Our life before we had him was great and I didn't want it to change. I just wanted to simply add him to the mix. Of course, that is what happened, but I was irrevocably changed moving forward. I am a mother now, with all that comes with that title.

The thing is, our bodies crave the familiar. It's called homeostasis, and it doesn't care if the change was good or bad, it just wants center and equilibrium. We feel unease, stress, and confusion when we tip too much off our center. That craving is so strong. Especially if, like me, you loved the life you had. You don't want the change. And even if you seek the change, there is still a process you go through to integrate your new self with the old self. Both of my examples above are BIG events. Events where there is a distinct, clear line of before and after. One was welcome, one was clearly not.

When change happens, your body initially treats it like a threat to that baseline, even if the change is good. This is where stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline come in—they're not a sign something is wrong, they're the system trying to correct back to "known." The problem comes when you're forcing yourself back toward the old normal instead of allowing a new center. The body doesn't get to relax—it stays in a low-grade fight to restore a status quo that no longer exists.

So no, you can't go back to normal. There is no normal to go back to—not the one you knew before. But that doesn't mean you're stuck fighting for something you'll never get back.

You're not broken for wanting the old you back. You're human. But the invitation isn't to return—it's to let a new center form. That's not a smaller life than the one you had. It's just the next draft of it.

Journal Prompts:

• What does "normal" mean to you right now—and is it the same normal you had before your last big change?

• Where in your body do you feel the pull toward the familiar? What does that unease actually feel like—tight chest, restlessness, fog?

• Think of a change you wanted. What did you expect to feel afterward, and what did you actually feel? What surprised you?

• What would it look like to stop forcing yourself back to the old baseline and instead let a new center form?

• If you're not the same person you were before — who are you now, and what does that person need?

Affirmations:

• I am not broken for wanting the familiar. I am human.

• There is no old normal to return to—only a new center to build.

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