Old Habits Die Screaming
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Today's email inspiration came from . . . surprise, surprise . . . Taylor Swift. In her song The Black Dog, she says "old habits die screaming."
That's been bouncing around in my head this week so I wanted to share my thoughts.
As you all know, I am behavior and habit obsessed. For more than twenty years I have studied and bought into the notion that it's simple to create new habits and get rid of bad habits. Behavior change is science. It makes total sense to me.
Cue - Craving - Response - Reward
It does work. I still wholeheartedly believe in setting up our environment in such a way that it makes it much, much easier to change behavior. What is missing is that our bodies are screaming "danger" when we try to do something different.
When we try to get up early and exercise our body screams at us that we need to stay safely in bed.
When we try to rest instead of being productive, we feel restless or guilty, like we're getting away with something.
When we try to set a boundary with someone we usually accommodate, our stomach drops before the words are even out.
When we try to sit in silence instead of reaching for our phone, our hands get twitchy within seconds.
When we try to let our kid struggle instead of swooping in to fix it, our whole body leans forward, ready to intervene.
Here's the good news: just knowing this is happening—having a name for it—takes some of its power away. This is called psychoeducation, and it's honestly one of the most underrated tools out there. When you understand that the shaky voice, the tight chest, the urge to bail isn't a sign you're doing something wrong, but a totally normal (and temporary) nervous system response, you stop believing it's an emergency. You can feel it and keep going anyway.
So when the screaming starts, here are a few simple ways to talk your body back down:
The physiological sigh. Two inhales through the nose — one long, one short on top of it — then one long, slow exhale through the mouth. It's the fastest way we know of to calm the body down in real time, and you can do it anywhere, anytime, without anyone even noticing.
Grounding. Feet flat on the floor, one hand on your chest. That's it. It's a simple physical reminder to your nervous system: I am here, I am safe, nothing is actually happening to me right now.
Let the wave pass. Most of these spikes—the panic, the dread, the urge to retreat—peak and fade within about 90 seconds if you don't feed them with a story about what they mean. You don't have to fix the feeling. You just have to outlast it.
So just keep going! Name it, calm it, and do the thing:)
Journal Prompts:
What's one habit or change I've been "trying" to make, where I keep hitting the same wall?
When I imagine actually doing it differently, what does my body do first—before I even think anything?
If that reaction is my nervous system trying to keep me safe, what is it actually afraid will happen?
When in my life did that old pattern actually protect me? Is it still needed now?
What's the smallest possible version of the new behavior—one my body wouldn't sound the alarm over?
What would it look like to let this habit "die screaming" instead of waiting for it to die quietly?
Affirmations:
I don't need to feel ready to begin.
Old habits get loud right before they let go.
I am allowed to outgrow what once kept me safe.
Retreat Announcement:
I have a tentative plan for our annual planning retreat . . . Drafting Your Year, 2027!
I am having it local, tentatively Saturday, December 5 (full 6ish hour day) and Sunday, December 6 (morning 3ish hours) downtown Richmond at Holistic Life Studios. It will be free for members, but I am welcoming others to attend as well, so think about who might benefit:) Stay tuned while I iron out details.
Office Hours: Office Hours for August are on Tuesday August 18. This is for Editor's Circle Coaching Members as well as any Guided Revision Coaching Members who would like to touch base between scheduled coaching appointments. HERE is the link to schedule a 30-minute slot
The Weekly Draft: happens every Sunday evening at 7pm at this link. Come prepared to reflect on the past week and draft the upcoming week. It is meant to be a heads down, co-planning time, with me being available to share strategies and/or answer questions. Join me HERE
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